What’s your body count?

There's a good possibility that if you've used TikTok, you've taken part in some strange challenge or practical joke. You've undoubtedly even watched a video of someone being questioned about their "body count" in the past. It's a trend that hasn't been well received since it involves a very intrusive inquiry and a very private subject.This trend is all over the app, causing people to weigh in and comment. 

If you Google the word "body count," you'll discover that it's frequently used to describe the number of fatalities in a certain circumstance. It's a phrase that frequently refers to troops or military operations where a death count would be kept afterward.

However, there is no connection between this and the TikTok analogy. So, what is a body count?

A body count on TikTok and in general slang refers to the number of people someone has had intimate intercourse with. Well, hanky-panky.

A body count is how many individuals someone has slept with, however the word has been tinkered with to refer to all sexual activities.

It’s an inevitable question arising in drinking games or having that uncomfortable talk with a new partner, but really, who cares? By no means does your body count define you; maybe after graduation you just had a very fun summer, or if you’re like me, that summer continues year round.

When you first start sleeping around or when you’re sexually active and single, your ‘number’ has a habit of rising. I remember dreading it, even wanting to recycle subpar men so my number didn’t rise too quickly. But I think everyone has a threshold number, where you get to a certain point, and you just don’t give a fuck anymore. I mean I can’t stay home with my G-spot vibrator EVERY night, although it’s a tempting thought…

When some men were asked ‘what’s your body count’ they had no trouble divulging their number, however when they were asked the same question but applied to females, their answers were extremely different (i.e. how many men can a woman sleep with before she’s a slut). There’s still a huge double standard when it comes to sex, especially if you like to get a little slutty with it... and you’re a woman.

Who a woman has had romances with in the past shouldn't make them suddenly less desirable to you or have an impact on their relationship with you. Women don't consider how many women a man has slept with before truly liking them. Why can't they be treated with the same respect? Furthermore, there is no guarantee that the number she will provide you is the genuine one. How would you know if she distorted the figures to prevent you from fleeing or behaving strangely as a result of the truth?

It's really quite easy; how can her body count suddenly impact all of your favorable feelings about her if you believe she is kind, clever, intelligent, and enjoyable to be around?

Men will have no trouble when their number rises, but refuse to date a girl who's slept with over five men. Five men and now she’s a slut, excuse me? Personally I’ve never understood this point of view. No amount of dicks will change you – physically or otherwise. 

There will be absolutely no difference between taking a bunch of dick (from multiple partners) in one month, opposed to sleeping with your boyfriend the same amount of times, in said month. Let’s stop pretending that sex somehow defines us. 

Let’s stop pretending that living a life where you like to share the love around a little will make you ‘loose’. The term ‘loose’ is thrown around so much and is hugely derogatory. I find it hard to believe that having multiple sexual partners will make me ‘loose’ when my body has the ability to birth a baby. It’s a ridiculous notion and just goes to show how very little most men actually know about the female anatomy, and why buying pleasure toys really is the answer sometimes.

To these men, we will simply lie, why should you get to know my body count, if you’re going to judge me for it. No matter how high your number gets, it’s never intrinsically tied to your self worth. If you have a high number or a sizable body count, don’t let some incel boy judge you for it. 

There’s no logic to the double standard. I never really see it used on women who aren’t cis and straight; which in itself is pretty homophobic, does sex with other women not count? Just because it isn’t penetrative heterosexual sex doesn’t mean it’s not sex…

We need to move away from the idea that a dick will define you. It’s a double standard either way, and you can’t win. Damned if you do, damned if you don’t. I remember before I ‘lost’ (I know exactly where it is) my virginity. It seemed so important: a moment that will change my life forever, my way to become a woman. Well, I was already a woman before I let a guy sleep with me. I lost my V’s at Seventeen, which at the time felt late. I was called frigid until I lost my V’s and then – almost immediately – I was a slut. 

This double standard is damaging for both men and women. We put so much pressure on boys to perform, to turn girls to women, to go gentle on the virgin – as if she’s not already a fully formed woman. Virgins are restless to discard their chastity and the second we do we’re told to reclaim it, to want that ‘purity’ back… whatever the hell that means.

Even the expression "losing your virginity" seems to have a different meaning for women than it does for men. It says that the female is incomplete without virginity and that virginity is something real and important to her. But when they engage in sex, both boys and girls are engaging in what is frequently a typical aspect of adolescence. 

The decision of a male should not be praised and that of a girl should be despised. It should be viewed as only another stage in the process of figuring out one's sexual identity and sexual experience preferences. It's about making wise decisions and using excellent judgment about what's best for you personally—not about what other people think—just like with anything else in life.

Virginity is an abstract idea that only has meaning in relation to its "loss" during intercourse, serving basically no other function except to motivate negative labels and stigma, particularly for females. All of this needs to be covered into sex education classes so that the idea fits in at a young age. 

All young people should receive sex education because we have a right to know about sex before we decide to have it or not. But choosing whether or when to have sex is only one aspect of sex education. It should ideally go over much more, such as consent, dialogue, gender identity, sexual orientation, fundamental anatomy, teen dating violence, body image, and other topics.

Even though they aren't frequently included in sex education, many aspects of sex and sexuality are just as crucial as knowing about STDs and abstinence. The goal of sex education is frequently to stop teen pregnancies and the spread of STDs. However, we should be aware of all aspects of sex and sexual health, not simply those related to pregnancy and disease. We merit and require that chance.

Women, especially teenage girls, are stigmatised for having sexual urges and exploring them. Girls who experience this humiliation may become afraid of being called a "slut" or of getting into problems with their parents because they are "not mature enough" to behave in such a way.

There is no disputing the embarrassment; it is obvious. In addition to parents or guardians, this same issue also arises in the media. Girls are told by the world—including the media and their parents—that having sex is something to be ashamed of or embarrassed about.

While online dating gives people the impression of choice, making commitment even less enticing, hookup culture is notorious for encouraging a level of casualness about even the most intimate dating interactions to the point where telling someone you're seeing that you have feelings for them can seem "too much". There seems to be a new term for questionable dating behaviors every day, from ghosting to breadcrumbing.

Hookup culture is pretty brutal, and it’s certainly not for everyone. With dating apps where you can meet, fuck and ghost someone all in the space of an hour, it can get pretty toxic out there. . If you sleep with someone you are no longer simply another notch on their belt. 

No, you’re a name in their notes app, with emojis to rate the experience, or even (I’ve seen this on TikTok, don’t worry I haven’t done it) a detailed PowerPoint presentation; at the very best you’re an interesting antidote, a silly story for their friends.

I mean surely tinder will have a ‘rate your experience’ section soon. It’s a scary thought, but can you imagine? Just like staying at a hotel or having dinner out. What would the categories be? So, so many options! How many stars would you give your last tinder date? It would be like the debrief on the girls group chat (yes, we do that) only better and with more details!

Evidently hookup culture takes a tough skin, but if you can move past, or even embrace the ‘what’s your body count’ culture, it can also be liberating. Sex without attachments, expectations and the boundaries of monogamy can be fucking fabulous. 

However when playing the field, or hoeing (?) safe sex is a must. Be slutty, but be smart about it. We’re talking maintaining a healthy relationship with sexual hygiene. No one wants to wake up with a hangover AND a UTI, or worse a STI. Hangovers I can handle, and – sometimes – come with the territory, but infections are absolutely avoidable.

In this communication is key, even if you don’t endeavor to know the guy's name, at least know if it was protected.

A sexually autonomous life is by no means intrinsically tied in with ones self-respect, nor should your body count be relevant. Somehow the amount of people one sleeps with has at some point, somewhere been equated with self-respect. 

Due to this misconception women with an intriguing sexual history, are often subjected to slut shaming or judgment, which assumes they’re having sex for the ‘wrong’ reasons: sex for attention or fucking for any reason when you’re not secure within your own sexuality.

What’s your body count can become a prerequisite to shock or judgment. However, casual sex doesn’t have to be void of respect, and shame has no place in sex, unless maybe there’s some residual religious guilt that leads to some seriously kinky sex, but that’s a whole other story…

If you’re still having intrusive thoughts, compiling reasons why not to sleep with the hot guy, let’s answer some questions… so you can get out of your head and into his bed.

You've undoubtedly realised by now that everyone appears to have these various numbers in their thoughts, and you're probably wondering, So what exactly is the optimum amount of sex partners to have? 

The answer is that there isn't one at all. Many teenagers seem to believe that certain numbers are true, yet these numbers are actually quite arbitrary. There is no definitive recommendation for the ideal number of sex partners due to the wide range of numbers that have been proposed.

If it’s done right, then no. Practicing safe sex is essential if you have multiple sexual partners. Use protection and get regularly tested, the only unhygienic thing you want in the bedroom is dirty talk.

However,sleeping around involves a large number of risks. You might still get a STD from casual intercourse even if you use contraceptives. Even though it's a good idea to be tested for STDs after having sex with a new partner, if your sex life is hectic, it could be difficult to fit this in.

Therefore, if you do find out that you have a STI, there may be a large list of individuals you may blame. Your STI status also must be disclosed to that same list of persons, which requires a difficult (and very embarrassing) phone call.

WHAT IS THE NORMAL BODY COUNT FOR A WOMAN – HOW MANY IS TOO MANY?

Using numbers to describe sexual history rather than actual individuals contributes into the destructive social cycle of inequity and objectification.The amount of sexual partners you’ve had does not define you! Your self worth should not be measured by how many people you have sex with. It just shouldn’t.

Each sexual encounter differs emotionally, physically and mentally and does not set a threshold of measurement on how you should view yourself.

There is no ‘normal’ number. There is an average number, but when taking into account how different and diverse people’s experiences of sex can be, an average number doesn’t seem so useful. A woman could have a teenage sweetheart and get married at eighteen, or she couldn’t even consider entering a serious relationship until the age of 27. We all lead extremely different lives, there’s no one number that is right for everyone. Some women (people) love casual sex and some hate it. 

Do what works for you. No matter how many lovers you have or how sexual you are, you shouldn't feel ashamed. There should be no need for feeling ashamed of your sexual practises if you are utilising safety precautions and protection. We are all human. We're all into sex.

SHOULD I LIE, OR TELL HIM THE TRUTH?

If you’re at the point in your relationship where you discuss the past, you might be wondering if you should be 100% honest with your spouse. I say, go with your gut. It’s no one's business what your body count is, so if you want to lie, honey that’s your prerogative. However I’d question why you'd want to hide the truth. If it’s because you’re scared of judgment or even second hand shame from your partner, then he probably isn’t the ONE for you.

Whether it’s three or thirty, there’s no rulebook for healthy sex, as long as you’re listening to your individual needs. Maybe you go out on the prowl every night or maybe you choose to stay in with your pleasure toys (at least you’ll be guaranteed satisfaction), either way, enjoy sex in any way that works for you.

And if you take pride in your body count and flaunt your sexual prowess in drinking games, then all the more power to you, and, really; who cares?

In the wise (and timeless) words of Salt-N-Pepa, ‘if I wanna take a guy home with me tonight, it’s none of your business’.