How to Be Dominant and Submissive in a Safe Way

power play

Sex is about power

As Oscar Wilde said, "Everything in the world is about sex except sex. Sex is about power." Sex can be an expression of love, intimacy, or lust. It can provide pleasure, an outlet for expression of identity and desires, and enable reproduction. In some cultures, it can be viewed as beautiful and exciting and delicious and intriguing; in other cultures, it is viewed as a social obligation.

Power exists in all our relationships and it certainty does in sex. Even the most vanilla of sexual relations, will play into power roles. Sadly, for many individuals, the missionary position still signifies an attempt to maintain man's dominance over woman, who is reduced to being only a docile womb or tool for the man's pleasure.

Even having sex for self-validation is about power because we give our power away every time we turn outside ourselves for acceptance or a sense of worth.

 It is inescapable, even if that power exists outside the bedroom; perhaps you always text first, or you want to be more than just a booty call: someone always holds the cards – and if you’re lucky; the whip too.

So, if power is inevitable in sex, you might as well have some fun with it, right?

power is inevitable in sex

Power play is a topic that many people are interested in. It's natural to consider whether there is a way to intensify that feeling of domination or submission, even if we don't want to go full Fifty Shades of Gray.
Power play refers to dominant/submissive roles that are frequently performed in the BDSM culture. The submissive partner agrees to give up all control, surrender, and obey the dominant partner in these partnerships. What happens next is entirely up to each other.
Looking to experiment with changing the power balance in the bedroom? There is no correct way to do it, but there is a correct way to experiment and discover what works for you and your partner.
Practicing power play can open up a whole new world of exciting possibilities; whether it’s a simple command; telling you to face the wall while he puts on a condom, or something a whole lot kinkier – we’re talking tied up with toys.

Most people will generally adhere to a submissive or dominant role, or they’ll change it up depending on their partner. Because of this, it’s good to know just what you like, or at least what role you wish to play.

Since one person often dominates or has power over the other in dominant-submissive activities, people tend to like accepting the Dom-Sub relationship if they find a power play interesting in some manner. Of course, in our culture, sex and power are frequently mingled together.

People may play the same roles every time they're together, or they may play various parts at different times.

The rise of the pillow princesses, embracing being the ultimate ‘bottom’ or submissive has entered the mainstream from the gay scene. A pillow princess referring to someone who is so submissive, they’re only the receiver and never the giver. There are evidently varying degrees of submission and domination, or tops/bottoms, or even both…

Power play can be deceiving, in who really holds the cards (or the whip)! Obviously we generally believe that a dom is in control, however it is the subs that decide the trajectory of an encounter.’

When things get too heated or kinky it is up to the sub to choose to say their safety word or not. So, although subs willingly give up their power in favor of submission, subs are really the ones that are in control, as they dictate what is and/or isn’t ‘too much’.

At the very basics of submission and domination, these roles can simply reflect how we experience and view sex. Someone who is submissive enjoys the ultimate release in sex; the process of completely giving up control is a relief.

For someone who enjoys being dominant it’s the appeal of the others ' submission, their willingness to let you control them, their trust, and transferral power.

Once you embrace that power is an inevitable part of sex, that’s when you can start having fun with it. If you know your role and how to play it, practicing with power play can be a great way to explore and experiment, within a healthy relationship and while maintaining honest communication.

So, where to start?

So, where to start?

If you’re deciding to move into the world of kink, whether you want to get tied up, or just some good old fashioned spanking – the options can be overwhelming. But if you don’t know where to start, then start with yourself. Don’t get weird about it and tie yourself up or anything, but practicing with your vibrator and other pleasure toys, can be a great step to figuring out what it is you like. 


Perhaps your preference in G-spot vibrators will change depending on what it is you like, or you’ll get a little adventure and begin experimenting with temperature play, maybe with a toy that turns up the heat!

First time getting into Power Play with your partner? 


power sex

Here are some tips to get you moving real well…

    1. Communication is key: You could take your partner's hand, lean in, and murmur, "I would really like to tie you up and do freaky things to you." while gazing deeply into their eyes. That's one method. Or, make it less intense than that. Till you know how your partner feels and what they might be prepared to do, keep things casual and light. 
    2. Sharing Fantasies: Right, so you've admitted to your partner that you might like some power play in bed. Possibly a light spanking. perhaps some bondage Take things a step further if your spouse appears receptive to the notion. Simply stating that you want a power play is insufficient. It's up to you two to define what it means. 
  • Starting Slow: Once the rules have been established, you might want to attempt hair-pulling, having one person satisfy the other until that person is given the go-ahead to stop, or role-playing as a couple where one person has authority over the other. Start with a sewing thread if you want to exercise physical constraint because it's simple to break free of while yet conveying the same sense of surrender.
    1. Bring In The Toys: Anything may be used as a power play, and sex toys and kinky gear are available for practically any scenario. Feel like spanking your partner? Use a paddle (or a whip if you feel extra kinky). Trying out orgasm suppression or forced orgasms? This may be made even simpler and more intense by using your favorite G-spot vibrator. Are you considering mild bondage? The burden of learning how to tie a knot is removed by bed restraints for either of you. By including toys, you may intensify your power play and leave your normal frame of mind. Paddles, whips, vibrators, or shackles make it simpler to adopt a dominating or submissive posture.

    1. Safety First! : While Christian Grey may not be the model for BDSM, one thing he did get right is establishing preferences and safe words. Before you begin any sort of power play with your partner, you must first get their passionate and informed consent. You shouldn't play the kinky game you have in mind if one of you isn't eager to do so. Both of you should be aware of what to anticipate and have a plan in place in case things go out of hand. If things aren't going well, using a safeword is one method to stop them. Any term will do, as long as it doesn't suit the situation. Any word will work as long as you both understand what it means.

      Power Play can be Therapeutic too! Whether you're trying to find methods to get beyond obstacles to enjoying yourself, you want to go deeper into the areas of consent, trust, and pleasure, or you just want to spice up a relationship that's already healthy with more fun and exploration, consider Power Play! 


      Power play may be quite healing. It can aid in the process of reclaiming one's sexuality and having control over the sexual activities one chooses to partake in for certain people who have suffered sexual abuse or non-consensual sex and find themselves drawn to sexual power play. Again, I can't emphasize enough how crucial it is that this be done voluntarily. Both trust and effective communication are required.


      Make Your Dom-Sub Relationship ‘sensational’, LITERALLY! One of the key principles of BDSM is sensation play, which involves one person wearing a blindfold and receives extreme stimulation from outside objects. The partner wearing the blindfold relies on the other to touch, zap, or grip various regions of their body without knowing what will happen next.


      Objects like hot wax, ice, feathers, silk, nipple clamps, and whips are frequently used.  with the last two activities, communicating what you enjoy is certainly crucial. Therefore, a lot of couples decide to create a list of pre-approved playthings. In this manner, the surprises won't be as shocking.


      “Binding” it Up.

      “Binding” it Up.

      To conclude, ask yourself a few things. Do you sometimes fantasize about these forms of possession and surrender? Or do you yourself occasionally engage in them and have some feelings of shame or confusion about why you're enjoying them? 


      Hesitate no more! As mentioned above it all starts with YOU. To give you a quickstart to that, indulge into making love to yourself, whether it is with or without toys.

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