Let’s talk about periods

So, it’s that time of the month again… Which means you’re probably lying on the couch eating ice cream and attempting to nurse your cramps with a hot water bottle. We’ve all been there.

Periods are the subject of stories, mythology and cultural beliefs, but mostly they just suck. They’re called ‘the curse’ for a reason. Gone are the days where we try and romanticize periods. It isn’t a special time of month, and it’s not the joys of being a woman, sorry if I can’t seem to find the pleasure in bleeding on my sheets and becoming a cranky bitch – can you tell I’m PMSing?

Once we accept that periods – while miraculous, yes – are a pain to live with, we can actually get real about how to live with them. We all have too many stories we wish we didn’t; like accidently bleeding in public, and washing stained undies in hostel sinks, it’s a glamorous life us women lead.

Periods are weird and mystifying, with strange little rules and facts you just have to accept as you grow up. I always knew your period ‘stops’ when your submerged in water, however I didn’t realise – for some – this wasn’t common knowledge, until a friend thought she’d get attacked by a shark while swimming on her period. No honey. Then there’s always the stuff your mum or your friends don’t tell you. The gross stuff. Like how sometimes your tampon can explode when you pull the bastard out, really making a mess of the public bathroom you were in. Yes, if left in too long that build up of blood and pressure really works wonders. 

The weird and the wonderful are a part of periods, like sneezing when you stand up… Ok, I don’t think that’s ever been a wonderful experience. Weird? Yes. Worrisome? Absolutely. Maybe periods are only wonderful when they stop, but alas; even then you end up worrying about something. Am I pregnant? When was my last period? Who would the dad be? I mean the list can go on…

These are just many of the ‘joys’ that come with being a woman (or someone that menstruates). We lose tampon strings, we cry at work and we curl up on the floor with cramps. So isn’t it high time we start an honest dialogue about just how shit periods truly are? So we can learn to effectively live with them and hopefully manage them? For too long women are taught to suffer in silence, because showing pain implies weakness, but I’d like to see a dude try and get through a menstrual cycle without punching some dry wall.

The best part is periods aren’t the only time we experience symptoms of the menstrual cycle; we’re also blessed with ovulation and PMS – two periods that take over our bodies and start calling the shots. The line blurs between who I want to sleep with and who I want to kill, or do I just want to sit on the kitchen floor shoveling handfuls of cake directly into mouth?